Venting....

I need to vent for a minute. Nothing bugs me more when people ask you for advice and then criticize that advice... for instance:

I was asked the other day by a woman on how we got our five month old to sleep through the night at seven weeks. I told her that it was mostly Ellie but I think we helped the situation by putting her on a schedule and by having her sleep in her own crib from day one. She then proceeded to tell me that there is no way an infant should be put on a schedule and that she felt that was wrong. I then asked her how old her child is that isn't sleeping through the night. She is one..... enough said.

I walked away. Please don't ask me for advice and then criticize it. I was in no way telling you to do what we did but it worked for Ellie so back off.

In 2012.......

• I will gossip less.
• I will complain less.
• I will brag less.
• I will say kind things about people.
• I will get organized.
• We will get Ellie on a set schedule.
• I will excercise more.
• I will try and keep my house clean.
• We WILL get out of credit card debt. (so close)
• We will buy a house.
• We will be happy with the things we have.
• We will save more money.
• I will be a better wife and mother.
• We will pray more and read the scriptures.

These are some of the things we have decided to do in 2012 either as a couple or individually. Looking over this list it seems doable. I am sick of talking bad about people and being unkind. I try hard to say nice things and not get caught up on gossip but I know I could do better. As you can tell, one of our big goals is to get out of our condo and into a house. We are giving ourselves exactly a year.... We will make it happen.
Happy 2012 to all of you. I hope you are able to reach your goals as well.

First weeks home.

Trying to eat everything in sight.

Only picture we have of her being swaddled. She hates being swaddled. We found this out shortly after this picture was taken.

Fresh out of first bath

Cute new hat

Uncle Shawn

Classic Ellie face

So pretty

The first weeks home were an adjustment. We had some very sleepless nights but we made it through. We were loving the time we had together before A.E. went back to work and we were basking in the love we have for this little girl.

Crying.

Dear hormones,
I really wish you would stop making me cry for no apparent reason. Like last night while I was eating dinner. What was that about? Please get back to normal asap. Thanks.
Me

The birth.

I was right about one thing when it came to Ellie's birth....it was far from boring.

We went in at 6:00 a.m. to be induced on Monday the 12th. They admitted me, got me hooked up to pitocin and then we waited. When they checked me I was 90% and almost a 3. At this point the contractions weren't too bad and I was feeling good about the whole thing except for the fact that I could never get comfortable. At around 10:00 my doctor came and broke my water which made my contractions speed up. My contractions started coming every two minutes and were so painful. I waited as long as I could to get the epidural but I just couldn't do it anymore so I finally got it around 12:00. The epidural is fabulous, after you get it. The getting part sucks....The needle was surprisingly not what hurt me. It was the stuff they put in you that pretty much sends electric shock down your legs...It was worth it though. Anyway.

They checked me at about 1:45 and I was only at a 4 but I was now 100%. I finally got some sleep but I kept feeling pressure and cramping on one side so then I would have to switch to the other side. I was trying to lay on my back but I kept feeling like I had to throw up so I couldn't do that at all. Two hours later at 3:45 they came and checked me and suprisingly I was complete. We found out later that's why I kept feeling like I was going to throw up and why I could feel the pressure on either side. I was progressing so fast my body couldn't keep up.

The nurse said that her head had to decend so we would give it an hour. I layed on my side and about 15 minutes later started feeling so much pressure. AE went and grabbed the nurse and to everyones surprise she was in the go position. I started pushing and let me tell you, next time I am pregnant I am working my arms out because they were so sore from holding up my legs. Anyway, I was pushing and then would have to take a break because my doctor had three women become complete at the same time. He kept running and working on each woman then would have to leave to the next one. Very exciting for him to say the least.

Well at this point I am feeling a lot of pressure, more than you should with an epidural. Come to find out my epidural was wearing off and I was pretty much pushing all natural. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be just so much pressure and burning. At this point I was getting so incredibly sick and kept feeling the urge to throw up. After a couple more contractions I looked at the nurse and told her that I wasn't going to make it and that I really needed to throw up. She handed me a bag and that's just what I did (sorry tmi). While I am sitting there throwing up it was helping push Ellie out and it actually made her crown.

So there I am feeling everything with her crowned and I couldn't push. I kept telling them I needed to but I had to wait because my doctor was delivering a baby at that very moment. So we waited and waited for 20 mins which ended up being a good thing because I hardly tore at all. They gave me a little more epidural which helped me to relax and we kept waiting for the doctor. Finally at 6:07 he came back in the room and one push later she was in my arms. After pushing for two hours, give or take a half hour, she was here and neither of us could believe it.

Her birth was the most exciting, exhausting, humbling, amazing, etc. experience of my life. I would do it again 1 million times for this sweet baby that we have. She has brought a spirit into our home that I can't describe and everyone is smitten with her, especially her dad. Her and A.E. have the most amazing bond that makes me tear up on a daily basis. Anyway, we are loving being parents and feel honored that Ellie picked us to take care of her.

I am sorry Ellie.

First of all...wow three posts in one day. I think that may be some record for me.

I feel bad for my post below... It is super negative and that is not me. I have loved every minute of being pregnant and wouldn't trade where I am at right now for anything. I was just frustrated and at the end of my rope. I was super selfish and wanted her here for us. A couple more days won't kill us and will definitely make her stronger.

I went and had my stress test done and all my frustration went away. Our little girl is so "perfect" as the tech kept calling her and she looked so content. She is healthy and thriving and that is all I want in the end (I would still love her more than ever even if she wasn't). I was really humbled with the way I acted and almost apologized to my sweet baby. She obviously knows that being in there is safer right now and a couple more days will only make her stronger. I know that when she finally does get here it will be well worth the wait.

So everything looks great with me and with her and now we play the waiting game till Monday. I have a feeling that her entrance will be anything but boring. Stay tuned.

Progress? What progress?

I went to the doctor yesterday. I have dreaded going for the last five weeks and I officially hate the words 1cm. If I never have to hear them again I will be happy. For some reason this little girl is REALLY comfortable where she is at.
Good news is that she is sitting really low and my doctor seems to think she will just kind of slide out when she is ready. You know your baby is sitting super low when your doctor keeps saying things like "Wow, I can tell she has hair" or "Holy cow that is her head. She is really low!" So why have I not had her you ask? No one knows. My doctor just keeps saying that babies come when they want. We have set an induction date for Monday but I go in for a stress test today to see if there is any reason to induce me sooner. I guess when you go overdue your fluid levels can drop a lot and can pinch the cord. No he is not worried about anything he just wants to see how my levels are and how my contractions (which are minimal at this point) affect the baby. Its sad really but I hope they decide to keep me there....

I had a melt down this morning because it seems like everyone else is meeting their babies except for us. I cried (okay more like bawled) to A.E. and in true A.E. fashion he talked me down off the ledge. Its just frustrating and I told him it almost feels as if we are trying to get pregnant all over again. Everyone else having success except for us. We have just waited SO long that I am kind of done waiting. Yet again, I am left being patient. I guess I am really bad at it.

Anyway, for now I will be sitting around finding more stuff to clean and do before baby gets here.

Five years.

(I love this picture because no one makes me laugh like you)

Being married to this man for five years has been the best!
We went to dinner last night (because when you are over your due date you fear doing anything big) and talked about how year five has been by far the best and hardest year yet. We talked about how we love eachother way more than we did when we got married and that it feels really good to know that our love is stronger than ever.

A.E.,
I have loved being married to you every second of every day. I would marry you all over again if I had to. I can't imagine life without you.
Love your wife.

A letter.

Dear baby,
Today is your due date. We thought you would be here by now but apparently you have other plans. We know you feel really safe in there but we promise your father and I will take good care of you out here. We are DYING to meet you and see your face. I think your dad is going to go crazy from you not coming yet. You don't want him to go crazy do you? We love you so much already and really really want to have you in our arms. We have waited forever for you and don't feel like waiting anymore. All that we ask is that you come soon so the doctor doesn't have to induce me because we really want you to come on your own. Tomorrow is our anniversary, five years. We decided that the best anniversary gift would be you. Just keep that in mind. We love you baby and really can't wait to meet you.
Love forever,
Your parents

p.s. Everyone is SO excited to meet you. You're quite important around here.

7 Days

What do you do when you are a week till your due date, nesting like crazy and not progressing for the last four weeks?

Me? I teach 67 Kindergartners. I lost two today because I have so many and pretty much five year olds have a hard time listening. Don't worry we did find them but its exhausting to say the least. Apparently they are planning to get another Kindergarten teacher after I leave but everything will change while I am gone. It should all be very interesting. I told my Principal that I am ready to have 30 needles shoved in my back.

I went to the doctor today and he said next week we will talk about induction but that he won't induce me until I am AT LEAST a week over... I am okay with this because I really want her to come on her own but seriously....I want this child here so bad. He was going to strip my membranes but I am not progressed enough and he said I would be in so much pain I would probably leave crying. So he can't even help things along. Any tips on how to put yourself in labor would be greatly appreciated.

A ticking time bomb....

That is what I feel like. I have loved being pregnant but this has got to be the worst part about it. Every day I go to bed I think "could this be it?" I just wish I knew when she would make her debut so I could plan better.... ha ha children.

I am progressing just at a turtle pace as my doctor likes to put it. I always feel defeated when I leave the doctor. On Tuesday he is going to help things along so we shall see. A.E. keeps saying he feels like she will be coming on Wednesday. Maybe he knows something I don't. I just can't believe we are so close....Come on baby girl. Get here so I can kiss your sweet face.

Thoughts.

My thoughts as of late:
One of my best friends is moving back from Texas. She called and left a message telling me that she had some news for me and I screamed as I listened to the message because I knew what it was. I have missed her like crazy. Life is just not the same without all of my best friends in the same state. I have been blessed with the three best girl friends on the planet and I can't wait for us to all be together again. Girl I am so glad you are coming back! And just in time to see our baby girl be born. I love you girl. Hurry home!

Lately some crap has happened in our lives. It sucks and has affected a lot of people I know and love. Sometimes I get angry and wonder how this can keep going on. I am usually pretty forgiving but this has tested that. So that is what I am working on especially because they talked a lot about it in conference. I have come to realize that we need to move on and go on with our lives because that's the only way it is going to get better. We are enjoying our lives and the events coming up and I am happy for that. It is starting to feel like the crap never happened and that is one thing I am greatful for. I hate stuff like this but I have come to realize that when I am doing what I am supposed to my life will be blessed and that is all that matters. I am thankful for my great family and my great in laws.
I have realized that people are fake. They put on a face to please other people and then turn around and turn into a completley different person. I always try and be real with people and it bugs me when they do not do the same. I have been blessed to work in a school where everyone is genuine and no one is afraid to speak their minds. It makes life so much easier and I think that is why we all work so well together.
Anyway, I had to get these thoughts out. It's really just for me but read if you want.